Guest blog: 3 Tips to Help Relieve Your Stress about Your Child’s Behaviour
Parenting can be rather stressful at times, and with so many people expecting a child to have behavioural skills above their development level, it’s no wonder so many parents are constantly stressing about their child’s behaviour.
In an article on The Conversation, Pediatrician and Lecturer in Child and Adolescent Health at the University of Melbourne, Anthea Rhodes, writes that a poll found one in four parents (27%) are stressed by their child’s behaviour every day, while two-thirds (69%) feel stressed at least once a week.
Almost half the respondents (45%) said they spend a lot of time thinking about managing their child’s behaviour and a third (32%) are often overwhelmed by managing this behaviour.
Sadly, almost half the respondents (45%) said they weren’t confident in where they could find help to learn the skills to manage their child’s behaviour.
The development of a child is ever evolving, and this means that their behaviour changes regularly.
Tantrums happen regularly as children learn to navigate social and developmental skills, and they don’t always understand how to behave in certain situations.
And that is perfectly okay – your child needs to learn and master these skills before they can put them into play.
How you manage your stress levels though is important, not only for yourself but for your child as well. High levels of stress can make your child’s behaviour problems worse – they react to your stress, which in turn makes your stress worse. There are however some things you can keep in mind that will help both manage your stress and put your child’s behaviour into perspective.
It’s Your Child’s Age Not Their Behaviour
More often than not, what seem to be behavioural issues are due to the developmental age of your child. Toddlers who haven’t learnt to speak yet may lash out with tantrums or really strong emotions as a way of conveying their feelings. Even toddlers who have learnt to speak may not be able to put their feelings into words and need to use their behaviour to get their emotions across.
As your child gets older, resisting bedtime, having strong opinions and testing their limits is all very common. As teenagers, they still push boundaries, challenge your opinions and attempt to negotiate decisions over various things they find important. You are certainly not alone in facing these issues with your child.
Praise over Punishment
It doesn’t matter how old someone is, praise will always win out over punishment. Parents will often use praise and rewards to promote good behaviour but not a lot use it to discourage “negative” behaviour. If your stress levels rise or you feel guilty every time you get angry towards your child about their behaviour, perhaps it’s time to look for the positives – did they listen when you asked them to stop? If so, praise that behaviour with what is known as descriptive praise. Instead of saying “good boy” when your son stops climbing the coffee table, you could say “thank you for getting off the coffee table and sitting on the floor to play with your toys”. Your child will learn that “good” behaviour equals praise which is a boost for their confidence and self-esteem.
Take a Time Out
If you’ve ever found yourself trying to negotiate with a one-year old intent on completing their task and not listening to you, you’ve probably found yourself becoming impatient and losing your temper very quickly. Many parents admit to becoming impatient too quickly, while those who lose their temper feel guilty afterwards. If you do feel that your patience is starting to wear thin, it’s time to walk away for a few minutes. As long as your child isn’t doing something dangerous, there is no issue in walking to another room and taking a breather.
Apologise – Even if They Don’t Know What You Are Saying
If you have lost your patience with your child, it’s completely normal to apologise to them – even if they don’t understand what you are saying. It models good, respectful behaviour and for those children who are talking, it can help them understand why you got angry at them.
If you find yourself regularly stressing about your child’s behaviour, implementing stress management techniques as well as having a chat to your child’s GP is a great way to manage your stress. Your child’s GP will be able to tell you if the behaviour is normal and will be able to give you some tips on managing it.
Watching out for signs of stress in yourself is essential, and will allow you to take some time out before it gets on top of you.
Guest blog post author: Treasured Tots.
The team at Treasured Tots completely understand that children are constantly going through development stages which can affect their behaviour. They work with both the child and their parents to manage their behaviour and teach them techniques to explain their emotions and feelings. If you’re looking for an understanding and family-orientated early education centre for your child,you can book an appointment and a tour of one of our centres. They’d love to meet you.
