Settling into child care

Starting care or starting a new care setting can be an emotional time.

Starting care is a big transition.

Sometimes parents find it particularly hard to as they are also racked with guilt.

Often change, even when its positive, can be stressful and emotional.

Most children do settle into child care relatively easily and surprisingly quickly.

Although some children may not readily appear to cope with the new situation.

Each child is different and all have different experiences in settling into a new service and environment.

• The age of the child. For example a baby under 6 months has not yet developed separation anxiety.
• Individual circumstances for example how a child is fed, sleeps, etc. Depending on the setting it may all be very foreign and unsettling to the child. In this case we recommend talking with the service prior to starting to establish the routines, etc and discuss your child’s particular needs. It is very helpful the staff knowing as much information as possible so they can remain consistent with what is done at home in the way they are settled, etc and can help in settling a baby/child into care.
• The child’s personality and temperament will affect how they cope with change, a new environment and starting child care. If they are shy or slow to warm up then they may take longer to feel comfortable. If they don’t cope well with change then they may need some extra time to adjust and extra patience and understanding.
• How many days they are in care. It will depend on the individual child but generally a child who attends care less (for example 1 day per week) will take longer to settle than a child who attends care 5 days per week. This is because a child who attends less frequently takes longer to get to know the routine, bond with the carers and cope with the situation of a new service as for them it seems such a long time for them between each visit.
• Your feelings on your child starting care. While you may be doing your best to hide your feelings your child is sensitive to your feelings and emotional state. You need to have a positive attitude in your child starting care (even if inwardly you are not so comfortable) as the child can pick up on insecurity and indecision. It is also important to be able to talk with your child about care in a positive way and for the child to feel comfortable about talking and expressing their concerns and/or anxieties without the fear of worrying you more.
• Avoid apologising to the child about them attending care.

• Research the most suitable option for your family and make sure you are happy with your choice. Different care suits different children and family situations, for example, children who are overwhelmed by large crowds or lots of noise my be more suited to a smaller service or family day care or a nanny.
• Plan ahead. Once the research has been completed and the service chosen it is important to plan ahead for the start of accessing the care. A good way to do this is to talk with the child about starting, familiarise the child with the service, do a few transitional visits (a few small visits where you stay and perhaps a visit of a reduced time where you leave the child to have a small play). The more familiar they are in the setting and with the carers the easier it may be when the time comes to say goodbye. Your child will have less anxiety about attending if they have an idea of what to expect and have experienced it a little.
• Call your child’s carer/service from time to time (or have the option to at any time) to check how your child is doing and make sure they are having a ok and coping. It also provides a chance to know what they are doing and you can chat with them about it later.
• Get as much feedback as you can about their day when you collect them so you feel a part of it and that you haven’t missed out on their day. It also provides a perfect opportunity to discuss any concerns about their adjustment to the service.
• See their activities/artwork they may have done or ask what they did to be able to talk about it with the child.
• Share your feelings with the staff at the service. If they are aware of your anxieties they may be more forthcoming in providing information.
• At the end of a day of care try to devote at least 30 mins of quality time with your child just talking and playing with them and no distractions on your part.
• Maintain good communication. Communication is vital between staff and parents to monitor and help a child adjust. Just as it is important to communicate with the child. The more you can talk with the child (age appropriate) then they can share their thoughts and feelings and you can help with any anxiety or concerns they may have. It offers the chance to validate their feelings and reassure them. Communication with staff also helps to develop a sense of trust and they may be able to offer suggestions to help the transition as well.
• Reinforce a sense of trust with your child. They need to feel secure in the knowledge that if you leave you will return. It is important to say goodbye and to tell them when you will be back (simple is fine such as after sleep time) and be back when you say. Never say to a child you will be back and don’t follow through on when you said  as this leaves a child worrying about when you will come back. Never just exit without a goodbye. This distresses the child as they will look for you and will be traumatized that you left them. They won’t understand that you just left. It will take them a lot longer to calm down and settle. Tears may still flow but it is vital the child knows of your intentions to come back.
• If they are showing signs of being anxious then a suggestion is to take something familiar and close to them. For example if they have a favourite toy or blanket. This can assist them in feeling secure. It can also include something of yours so that the child feels connected to you and also knows that you will come back.
• You can ask the centre for a copy of their routine and start to do things at home that are similar so that the child can become used to the centres routine. This way it is not alien to them when they start and they may take less time to adjust.
• Be prepared. Be as organised as possible, for example, packing the night before, ensuring you have everything that is needed, etc. This helps to remove the stress on the morning of the care so that you can relax and spend quality time with your child rather than a frantic stressful time.
• Allow time. In those first few days/weeks allow extra time for the drop off and pick up. The less rushed you can make it the more relaxed it will be. If you are able to stay for a short time and engage with your child in this setting and the child can show you things you can connect with them and this can help with the transition. Having said that, it is important not to linger. While it is great to spend time and settle your child into the centre (or spend time and share a little at the end of the day) it is important that it doesn’t become so long that the child then becomes more distressed when you finally leave. It is a fine balance between staying and staying too long.
• Help the child be engaged in an activity or with a carer. Obviously we aren’t implying that you would just drop and run but the more a child can be engrossed in something when you say goodbye the less likely they are to become distressed and it is easier to distract them back into the activity.
• When saying goodbye you could talk about what you are going to do when you pick them up. It gives them something positive to look forward to. It also helps to remind them you are coming back.
• Establish a good routine for the goodbyes. For example you arrive, pack bag away, find an activity, give 3 hugs and 4 kisses followed by a goodbye and then you leave.