Tantrums

Children generally have what we call a tantrum as they are still learning to deal with, express and understand their emotions.

Empowering children to deal with the situation & allowing them to understand anger and frustration are normal feelings.

Tantrums are bound to happen.

Tantrums are a normal part of development.

Every child will have one at some stage. How we deal with them is the key.

Remember you as an adult can still have a “tantrum” if things don’t go right.

Tantrums generally occur between the ages of 2-4 years.

A tantrum will occur as a child has not yet developed strategies to deal with their feelings and frustration, this in turn often leads to a a build up of frustrations and emotions and results in a tantrum.

A child will commonly have a tantrum at one time or another.

It is primarily as a child may know what they want but can’t express it, or if they are told no it is then that they can’t deal with the frustration and can’t express it in words.

It is important to be mindful how we respond and react to a child’s expression of frustration and emotions through a tantrum than can impact the situation.

For example, responding aggressively often results in the child also responding aggressively. In essence they will learn that that is the way to approach a situation. It will not help in the long or short term.

The specific causes of a tantrum can range. Most important is having the ability to see and understand the child from their viewpoint and developmental stage.

The ability to put oneself in a child’s shoes assists with dealing and managing tantrums.

How you tackle the tantrum is important.

The response a child receives is transferred to how the child reacts further, how the situation is rectified and then how to steer clear of them in the future.

How you deal with a child is individual and dependent on their age.

Ideally as adults we need to empower the child.

They need to feel that they are in some sort of control over their feelings and decisions. This then allows for the child to start to learn about their behaviour, helps them to learn about problem solving, sharing, etc.

It opens up the lines for reasoning if they feel they have input into things.

• Have clear expectations and guidelines.
• Be consistent
• Distract the child’s attention to another object, place, thing, etc.
• Speak calmly down at their level.
• Be clear. Tell them what you do want and focus on the good behaviour.
• Don’t get frustrated, shout or become aggressive.
• Ask them to talk to you. Not necessarily during the tantrum as this is not generally possible when a child is in the throws of emotion. Allowing them the opportunity to later express what the problem is/was (depending upon their age and vocab). demonstrates respect for their feelings it also enables them to verbalize the problem and you can both find a solution.
• Be alert for possible triggers to a situation and try to preempt these.
• Take cues from the child. For example, a tired child is more likely to not be able to cope with circumstances.
• Remove the child from the situation so they can calm down. Remaining at the ‘spot’ allows them to focus on the issue of why the tantrum started.
• Be aware that if there is more than one child and only one toy that an argument and ultimately a tantrum may occur. You can help to alleviate this by playing with them.
• Supervise.
• Interact and ‘muck’ in with their play. If you are part of their play you can help to guide a potential tantrum from becoming a full blown one.
• Give children some choice so that they feel they are in control of some part of their world.
• Accept that regardless of what you may try or do sometimes a tantrum just will happen.
• Be calm and supportive.