Speaking positively to children

The more positively we address any situation, even as an adult, the better and more positive the outcome.

Good communication skills begin in childhood and are continually developing.

The way we speak and communicate influences the way a child does, behaves, speaks and interacts with others.

We are providing the tools and skills for a child. They model and imitate what they see.

It is important to communicate clearly and in a positive way.

By simply changing some of our words and the way we say something goes a long way to changing that situation.

We should try to limit the words such as no, naughty, bad, etc.

The way we communicate has the capacity to impact the situation.

Positive communication can help children feel good about themselves, develop positive self esteem, learn through their actions and become more responsible.

Communicating to a child positively build a better connection and relationship.

Reflecting on how we speak to a child is a good tool to ensuring we are being respectful and to hold ourselves to account as well.

Imagine if your interactions with your child were recorded. Would you be content with the way you spoke to your child?

• Actively listen. It is important we as adults actively listen to children. They need their voice heard.
• Speak respectfully.
• Allow the child to finish what they were saying. Don’t interrupt them.
• Be mindful of your tone of voice. Think about how you can soften your tone even when you are addressing a behaviour. Are you impatient, angry or harsh? A child is more likely to listen if they are being spoken to respectfully and positively.
• Children learn what they live. A child learns from our behaviour. If we model kindness they will learn to interact with others more positively.
• Speaking harshly or angrily will not get results. They may appear to listen in the short term but it is not effective in the long term. A child does not learn how to regulate their behaviour or respond appropriately or develop the skills required.
• Speaking positively means being affirmative. A child will respond better and more positively to affirmative language. “Remember …….” rather than “Don’t forget”.
• Pause before responding, especially in a trying situation such as challenging behaviour related. Pausing allows you to collect your thoughts, assess the situation in relation to their development and respond better.
• Positive speaking evokes positive listening. You will generally find that a child will listen better.
• Be considerate of a child’s emotions. Give consideration to how you would want to be spoken to. Be aware that a child is still learning to regulate their emotions and may need additional support.
• Use ‘I’ in your messages. This avoids laying blame to the child and developing superiority as a ‘you’ statement creates. IN place of “you are always frustrating me” replace with ” I feel cross when you…”
• If you feel you overreacted or spoke too harshly chances are your child felt that too. Apologizing promotes acknowledging mistakes and potentially turning it into a learning experience.

We can use a shopping trip to demonstrate the way we can say something more positively.

• Keep the oranges in the bin.
• Hold the carton with both hands.
• You may ask me any questions you want, but please say it with respect/nicely.
• Talk to him; tell him what you want/ use your words.
• I bet you could place the bread gently into the basket.
• Maybe we can have a special treat at home.

• Don’t throw the oranges on the floor.
• Don’t drop that carton of eggs.
• Don’t you talk to me in that tone of voice.
• Stop hitting.
• Don’t squeeze the bread.
• Don’t ask for everything you see.