Dealing with ‘bad’ behaviour

If your child has challenging behaviour it can be difficult, as well as at times frustrating dealing with it.

There is always a reason behind a child’s behaviour.

What we consider ‘bad’ behaviour can be tantrums, whining, shouting, disobedience or more physical outbursts, whatever the behaviour has an underlying cause.

It is a child’s response to feeling overwhelming emotion, emotions such as anger, frustration or a sense of injustice and generally it is combined with a physical or environmental trigger such as stress, hunger, tiredness or boredom.  Another trigger is that the expectation or situation is not age appropriate.

When a child displays these types of behaviours it is their way of dealing with the situation.

It’s common for the situation to be heightened by a parent’s reaction and response to the behaviour.

Luckily, there are a number of simple proactive strategies that can help guide a child and the unwanted behaviour.

There is no such thing as a ‘naughty’ child or a brat. Rather a child who is trying to express themselves and needs some support and guidance.

These strategies will also allow the child to develop ways in dealing with their feelings and show empathy.

• Have a consistent daily routine that incorporates regular times for eating, resting and sleeping. An overtired or hungry child is more likely to misbehave.
• Have realistic age appropriate expectations.
• Provide tailored support. Try to establish the underlying cause to the behaviour. This will facilitate a more tailored and individual support which will address the behaviour and the reason behind the behaviour.
• Give clear warnings. This is applicable for everything for example before transitioning to a new activity, as it allows them time to finish what they are doing and helps them to mentally prepare for the new situation of what is about to happen.
• Provide choice. If possible, allow the child (age appropriate) to make choices. This provides the child with a sense of ownership of the situation promotes decision making and problem solving and encourages independence.  When providing the choice you need to accept whichever alternative they choose, or to phrase your choice in such a way that your desired outcome is much more desirable than the other item of choice.
• Help the child express their feelings through opportunities, play and time spent with them.
• Set realistic limit and boundaries.
• Be consistent.
• Remain as calm as possible. Yelling or punishing a child does not address the behaviour or offer strategies or solutions to help the child cope with their feelings and the behaviour.
• Sometimes, depending on the behaviour and the situation it is possible to ignore the behaviour.
• Praise, praise, praise. There is no limit to the amount of praise a child receivers assuming it is well deserved. Catching and acknowledge your child doing the right thing positively reinforces the good behaviour and can help break the cycle of negativity. It is great for their self-esteem.
• Know your child limitations. If your child has a natural preference for physical, active play, then expecting them to sit still and unoccupied for an extended period of time is unrealistic. Taking a solution-focused approach and thinking through possible alternatives can help. Changing it from unrealistic expectations on the child will result in a more positive outcome. For example look at alternatives. If a child is required to sit still for an extended period of time is it possible to schedule it after a physical activity or at a rest time, etc. Removing the potential for a problem helps to guide a child’s behaviour.
• Distract or divert when you can see a problem or negative behaviour arising.
• Maintain open communication (with older children) helps to encourage your child to come to you and discuss with you whenever they need help working through a difficult situation.