Time out

Time out as a method of dealing with behaviour is quite a controversial one. It tends to divide the community. You are either a lover or a hater of the time out method for managing behaviour.

Time out is easy to overuse. It isn’t an effective method and doesn’t work when used too often. If you use time out as a behaviour management method it is key to remember not to use it simply as a way to get a child out of your hair.  The sole purpose is for addressing a specific behaviour issue you are dealing with with your child.

Time out should not be used as a way to threaten, humiliate, or frighten children. It should be seen and used as a cooling off period followed by a chance to talk about the behaviour. Choosing whether to use time out as a behaviour management option is a topical one. Ultimately it is your choice.

Time out is removing your child from the trigger that is causing the behaviour at that moment. It is a strategy used to manage the behaviour through the removal from the area where the behaviour occurred. It involves during the time out not giving the child any attention.

Time out generally will be a specific, constant location where the child will be place to calm down away from the trigger and the premise is that this then enables to the child to reflect on and think about the behaviour.

Time out is considered a form of discipline rather than a kind of behaviour guidance whereby the child is excluded for a certain period of time, generally 1 minute for every year of the child’s age.

If you choose to use time out as a method of behavioural management then we recommend evaluating as you go to see if it really is working.

Time out is a technique generally used for children ages 3 through to 12. It is mostly used for inappropriate or an unwanted behaviour that can’t be ignored.

In order for time out to ‘work’, a child must be able to understand the ideas of being quiet, reflecting on their behaviour and waiting. This usually doesn’t happen until a child is close to three years old, which is why it is not generally recommended for any younger.

Time out does not provide the opportunity for a child to learn or understand the reasons behind the behaviour.

• If things get too intense for both you and your child, remove yourself from the situation.
• Children learn how to gain self-control in socially acceptable ways through personal experience and by watching adults and other children model appropriate behaviour.
• Many children (and adults) may not calm down by sitting still in a chair. We need to teach children a variety of acceptable ways to deal with their anger and frustration. Then trust them to choose the time-out that will work best for them. It is unreasonable to expect everyone to gain self-control using the same time-out chair.
• Our role is to guide them toward appropriate behaviour. Teach them how to gain self-control. Then, work on consequences. They may need to repair or replace what broke, clean up a mess, or give up a privilege. Often as a consequence of misbehaviour we must deal with a friend we hurt or offended. Most of us need to calm ourselves first. Then, we can face the consequences.
• Give warnings. Get down to the child’s level and speak in a stern but calm and respectful voice. It is no use screaming from distance to try to get them to do or stop doing something.
• Give consequences and an alternative to rectify the situation.
• If the behaviour is repeated or what you are asking does not stop then it is time to follow through with the consequence – they must go to the step. You need to escort them to the step sit them down and ask them to stay there. It is recommended that they sit on the step for the equivalent of 1 minute for their age until you get to five minutes and then this is long enough for over 4 years.
• When you gave them a warning, and when you are about to leave them on the step explain why they were placed there and how long they will stay. Explain that they may get up when you come back and when they apologise for the behaviour.
• If they get off the step before they are ‘released’ then place them back there. Repeat why they are there and remind them that you will come back and get them when the time is up.
• At the end of the time get them to apologise for the behaviour.
• If they reappear before the time is up but appear genuinely sorry you may then let them stay. They must say what they are sorry for not just a blanket sorry.
• Remind them that that behaviour again will set them back to the step.

When deciding where to put the child for time out, it’s a good idea that younger children still be kept within your sight. They may need to sit next to you. Older children should go to an area that is well lit, free from dangerous things, and boring. It should be far enough away so the child can’t provoke others, but close enough so the child knows what they are missing. A bedroom is not generally recommended as this is their place of sleep and is recommended to keeping it separate.

In establishing the length of time to be in time out, a good rule is one minute for every year of the child’s age. But there has been research which indicates four- to six-year olds who are told to remain on time out until they are calm and have thought about how to solve the problem are more likely to change their future behaviour than children on time out for a set amount of time. The end decision is up to you and what you think would work bet for your child.

When time out is over, be sure to talk about why the child was on time out, and how you expect them to behave now and in the future. It’s important for a child to return to the situation and correct their behaviour.

Finally, praise the child when they behave the way you want them to.