Refusing to go to bed

In an ideal world your little one would be so tired that at the mention of bedtime will have them happily head off to bed.

Unfortunately, this it is not always the case.

Sometimes a child does not happen regardless of how hard we try. A child refusing to go to bed is relatively common.

It is key to address this behaviour and not to make it a power struggle.

Finding the balance can be challenging.

Getting enough sleep is important. A lack of sleep can impact a child’s mood, their development and even their ability to fight off illness and infections.

A standard cause for refusing to go to bed is as simple as they don’t want to go to bed.

There may be many reasons for this. They may have a fear of missing out on what is going on, they may have an attachment dilemma, they are overtired (or not tired) or there may be a genuine fear or underlying cause for resisting going to bed.

Sometimes it may be as simple as not having enough of a consistent transition to the bedtime routine.

Refusing to go to bed can be a problem and can be just as big of an issue as a child who continually wakes during the night.

Often a child will pull at the heart strings when they are attempting to delay the inevitable of going to bed.

There are common types of stalling behaviours or refusing to go to bed such as:

• Constantly asking for a drink,.
• Asking for a hug or a kiss.
• Continually needing to go to the toilet. etc, the types of behaviours that are an attempt to prolong the sleep thing.

• Develop a consistent bedtime routine.
• Set a sensible bedtime.
• Provide warnings that bedtime is approaching. Countdown to bedtime so they understand when bed is.This is helped by the routine but also explaining that there are no drinks, etc and they need to go to the toilet before they get into bed.
• Stand firm and remain consistent. If one night you say no to a drink then no drink means no drink on any other night. They may try to push these boundaries but stay firm as once you give in they will have regressed to the same bedtime issues you started with.
• If they keep coming out of the bedroom then take them by the hand and guide them back to bed. Do not enter into a conversation with them simply say “time for bed….goodnight”. Tuck them back into bed and leave the room.
• If they are continuing to be disruptive (such as calling out) try to ignore them if it is safe to do so and go back to remind them it is goodnight and leave the room again. Each time it is a longer period between times you go and remind them. This is not to be done if they are visibly distressed.
• If your child needs you to stay in their room until they go to sleep make sure you do not engage in conversation after you have said goodnight. You should avoid eye contact.
• Let go of unrealistic expectations. Have age appropriate expectations.
• Be firm, clear and gentle. Raising your voice or getting frustrated will not alleviate the situation only escalate it.