Newborns and siblings

You have added to your family and have a beautiful newborn.

Introducing a newborn the second (or third, etc) time around is quite different from bringing home your first newborn.

There are the newborns siblings to consider as they adjust to another in the home.

Some children have an easy transition period when a new baby enters their world and others don’t.

The relationship between the newborn and your other children is important.

Being mindful of the transition and adjustment for the child is key.

The older child’s age and development will influence the way they react to a newborn entering into their world.

A 2 year old will not understand what it means to have a new baby in the same way as a school aged child.

Preparing your older child during the pregnancy will help them adjust to the transition.

It can assist those children who may need extra love and attention with this difficult transition.

It is normal for a child to potentially feel a bit ‘left out’ or ‘put out’ at the arrival of a new child to the family.

When a new addition enters into the family a child’s behaviour may change and/or regress.

It’s important the older child is showered with love and compassion as it is a big adjustment for them too.

They now have to further share the attention they receive and in their eyes the new addition may be monopolizing the attention rather it being divided more fairly.

This may not be the case but it may well be the perception to a child.

• Chat about the baby growing inside your belly.
• Involve the child in setting up the nursery and preparing for the baby. They can help to pack the hospital bag. Having the nursery set up well in advance also provides the opportunity for the child to adjust before the baby arrives.
• Get the child involved in the upcoming birth by talking about the baby and how they can help and you would appreciate it, how they can be a special helper, etc.
• Talk about how things will be different but that you would still love them the same.
• Explain in developmentally appropriate terminology that the new baby will will eat, sleep and cry most of the time. Explain it will be some time until they can play with them.
• Praise their behaviour after the baby arrives so that they still feel they are being valued and they are doing things ‘right’.
• Accept that they will/may regress in some areas. This is their way of coping with such big change. This is also a way for them to feel they can gain attention so be aware of the change in attention they receive and address accordingly.
• Make any changes to their routine well before the baby is to arrive, i.e. changes to their sleeping, moving to a ‘big’ bed, weaning, etc. This is especially important if the new baby is to now have what the child will see as their items such as the cot, etc.
• If they are interested they can have a new baby too to look after and can practice caring for.
• Chat about when they were a baby. This provides the opportunity for the child to understand more about ‘babyhood’ and provide a connection to the new baby. This can be shared through photos as well of when they were a baby. It reinforces their bond with you.
• Do special 1:1 things with the toddler/child separate from the baby. It shows that while there is a new baby you love them the same and still want to spend time just with them.
• Have a “present” for the child to make them feel special and part of the moment. The new baby is seen to be getting all the attention and also the gifts too. If they child also receive something special at this time then they too feel they are an important part of the occasion. The present can be from yourselves or from the new baby.
• Make arrangements for who will care for the child when you are in hospital. Share these details with the child and have consistent contact so they are comfortable with them.
• Ask your friends and relatives to greet the older child before acknowledging the newborn.

Once the new baby is at home and the reality for the older child has sunk in you may find that they may act out.

Their behaviour may regress or change. They may try to get attention by breaking the rules.

Be mindful that this type of behaviour is a way for them to adjust to the new baby and gain attention.

If at all possible ignore the behaviour.

The more positively you can respond and interact with your child the better in reinforcing your love.

Spend as much 1-on-1 time with the older child so they feel connected with you.

There may be toilet training accidents, refusing food at mealtimes, tantrum throwing, etc. These behaviours are ways for the child to express their feelings and in an attempt to gain complete attention.

These are normal reactions to the stress of a new sibling that require tolerance rather than punishment. During these early times the child needs lots of love and assurance.

Sometimes the older child may seem a little too rough with the new baby.

This is a normal reaction to the stress they are feeling and a response to expressing those feelings.

Remaining calm and talking to the child about being gentle is key.

Showing what type of gentle you are referring to can help a child to understand.

Providing the older child with as much love and attention can help to alleviate some of the initial stress of having a new baby in the house. It helps to demonstrate that while things are different the love for them remains the same.

Involve them with task related to the baby. They can help with changing the nappy, singing to them, etc.

Praise them when they are trying or are gentle with the baby.

At all times, even with older children, supervise.