Stage 6: Collaborative/ Cooperative Play

As children progress through the play stages they around 4 or 5 years old come to the cooperative play stage.

It is quite apparent in the later preschool years when children have acquired the skills to interact together for the purpose of play.

Cooperative Play is often described as a more organized kind of play. The child plays as part of a larger group that has a collective goal such as making an art project or putting on a skit. During cooperative play, the role of leader and follower are  often visible.

A child plays in a group that is organized for the purpose of making some material product, striving to attain some competitive goal, dramatizing situations of adult and group life, or playing formal games, roles are assigned and it is quite planned and structured.

• Their speaking and listening skills are more developed so children can communicate with each other.
• Children can share ideas and tell each other what to do.
• Communication about play is the critical skill of cooperative play

Let’s look closer at the typical types of collaborative play and share some common situations and tips on sharing, taking turns, obeying rules and negotiating.

Sharing:

When a child wants something, the thought of giving it up to someone else sometimes seems unbearable. Learning to share is made even more complex by the confusing ways in which we use the word ‘share’. They often don’t fully comprehend the meaning of the word as to them it means giving something they want up. The earlier you can integrate the word share along with its meaning into a child’s world the easier you may find they understand the concept. But that is not to say it will make sharing okay for the child all the time.

Tip: When you are negotiating with a child to share sometimes the art of distraction is good. Distracting with something else that sounds too good not to move onto to another toy/game/activity and if you make it sound exciting then they may happily give the initial toy up more easily.

Taking Turns

When a child wants something, they often want it immediately and don’t like to wait or for that matter take turns in getting what they want. Taking turns means that they receive delayed enjoyment. It is hard for a child to see beyond wanting it now or having to give it up when they are playing with it. Explaining that they will have another turn sometimes is not enough for the child.

Tips: Make it fun giving up the toy. If you can make it sound like fun or make it a fun game then it is a win win for both children involved.

Distract the child who is giving it up if they are not content taking turns with something else or even see if you can share rather than take turns. This may or may not be acceptable to either child and sometimes it works while at other times it does not. It really depends on the situation but it is a good tool to try.

Obeying rules

All children (and even us as adults) want to win the games we play and can get quite competitive. Some will do whatever they can to win, even if they have to cheat a little bit. As adults we may indulge them, even if just initially, but generally their peers will not, resulting in sometimes tough lessons on the importance of following rules.

Tips: The earlier you can encourage good sportsmanship the easier it is to have a more successful end to a game. By everyone shaking hands and saying good game allows each child to feel valued as a member of the game rather than just the traditional winner and loser roles.

Talk to your child before the game is started about the rules and by instilling that it is how you play and the particiaption that is the most important part rather than who wins can help to clam some unhappiness at the end.

Talk to them about how it is okay to not win all the time and how it is about the playing and having fun- the having a go is the vital element.

These tips will not miraculously make them okay with losing but it will eventually teach them the concept of why they are playing. It will also teach them empathy towards others as they will understand that at times you win and other times you lose and the feelings for both and to appreciate the ‘losers’ feelings.

Negotiating

Who gets to go first? How do you decide which game to play? Who gets to be the ‘boss’? Collaborative play requires a child to give as well as take, to compromise on what they want which is a hard thing to accept when you’re the centre of your own universe as a child is in their mind. Learning to negotiate can be tricky and fraught with issues for a child, especially if they feel they really want to be the ‘boss’ and it is not panning out that way. Once a child can negotiate, share, take turns, and follow rules, they will be well on their way to navigating future things in life.

Tips: A child learning the art of negotiating is of huge benefit to their world. It will enable them to deal with their emotions and develop empathy towards others as well as many other skills. To help a child learn to negotiate can be done on a day-to-day level. For example, giving them choices, or by negotiating with them about the little things so that it isn’t a big deal what the outcome is.

It’s at this stage that they learn to master important new social skills, such as sharing, taking turns, obeying rules, and negotiating. These are all very difficult behaviours for a young child to learn.